Time to Stop Apologizing?

Why Do We Apologize for Having Faith?

You are sitting in a hospital waiting room, nervously tapping your foot. Your brother is in surgery, and you don’t know how long it will be until they pull him out alive. Your coworker texts you to see how you are doing. You reply, “I’m doing ok. Hanging in there. I’m not really a religious person but… I just prayed a little while ago.”

Or maybe you’re on an airplane. It suddenly hits a pocket of severe turbulence. Everyone on board goes silent. People grab their armrests, and you shut your eyes and pray that the pilot can get you back in the air safely. When you tell people at work about it the next day, you chuckle and joke, “I’m not sure that I even believe in God, but I thought I’d ask anyways…just in case!”

Sound familiar?

We’ve all heard comments like this. People say these “just in case” prayers all the time. They don’t want to seem like they believe in something just because they say a prayer during a tough moment. They apologize, qualify, or joke about their decision to hope for a better outcome. It’s almost like they are embarrassed they were so foolish as to think that maybe something bigger than themselves could hear them. In today’s culture, it almost feels like admitting you pray, believe in God, or are religious is taboo. People feel like they need to assure everyone around them that they “aren’t one of those people.”

But why do we feel like we need to apologize or qualify having faith?

I mean really…what’s wrong with believing?

To understand why people feel this way, we have to explore how society has shifted its views on religion, the stereotypes we associate with religion today, and the natural human instinct to pray and ask for help from something bigger than ourselves.

How Society Has Shifted When It Comes to Religion

It wasn’t always like this.

Not too long ago, being involved in a religion was the default. If you lived in a town, you most likely attended church, synagogue, mosque, or temple with your family. Religion was something you did with your neighbors; it was where you went to celebrate life and ask for comfort during tough times. Being religious also just meant that you were a good person and a good member of society.

While many people today still attend religious services, our society today, especially in public settings, embraces secularism. Being secular means to not involve religion in daily life. Our society has become grounded in science, technology, and things that we can prove and test. We have created a world where we value what we can prove in a laboratory or on a screen. Faith, however, is believing in things that we can’t prove. Because of this, faith has become looked down upon by many as silly, archaic, or ignorant.

Allow me to repeat that.

Because you have faith, the world views you as “less than.”

When you are constantly told that intelligent, advanced, and modern people use science and logic to understand how the world works, bragging that you pray every Sunday sounds like you are admitting that you are weak. That is why people say “I’m not religious but…” before they say they prayed. They are telling the other person that they “aren’t like other dumb religious people.” They are saying: “Don’t worry. I have my head on straight. I haven’t lost my mind. I’m normal.”

If everyone else around you talks about how faith makes you inferior, it is only natural to defend yourself. No one likes to feel lesser than someone else. When it comes to religion, it seems people would rather judge themselves and others to make sure they fit in.

Bad stereotypes about religion

Have you ever heard someone say that they “look for the good in everyone, but sometimes it’s hard”? People who distance themselves from religion say this all the time about faith.

When most people say the word “religious” today, they instantly think of things that they don’t like. They think of Sunday politicians, extremists who blow themselves up, or child molesters hiding in churches.

Unfortunately, many churches and religious institutions have done horrible things. The loudest voices on the internet and media tend to be negative ones. So, when you hear about religion in the news, it usually boils down to one of three things:

1) Stuff religious groups have done to hurt others

2) Members of religions condemning other groups for unacceptable behavior

3) Religion being mixed with politics

It has become so bad that if you tell someone you are religious, they will automatically assume you voted for Trump, think gay people are going to hell, or hate people that don’t believe in your religion.

So naturally, if religion has so many bad Connotations, religious people want nothing to do with it.

When someone says, “Oh, I’m not really religious but…” what they are really trying to say is: “Hey, I pray, but I don’t want you to think I’m bat-sh*t crazy like those other people.” They are trying to distance themselves from the stereotypes that come with the religion title.

The Problem with Religion as a Label

There is a huge problem with religion as a title. When you hear that word, what do you think of? More than likely, you thought of an institution. You thought of rituals, deadlines, and leaders. But that’s not what being spiritual or religious is supposed to be!

If you ask any religious person what their faith means to them, they will most likely tell you that they feel connected to something bigger than themselves. They believe that there is more to life than we know, and they strive to be better people for that reason. Yet, the word religion makes their personal relationship with their spirituality sound like a branch of the government.

This is why so many people identify as “spiritual but not religious.”

Spiritual But Not Religious?

I introduced this term a few paragraphs ago, but it’s worth discussing on its own. “Spiritual but not religious” is a phrase that has taken our culture by storm over the last couple of decades. It has become a safe way for people to distance themselves from religion while still believing in some higher power or life force. Someone who is spiritual but not religious believes in the afterlife, universal energy, a higher being, or God but does not practice with other believers.

To a religious person, spirituality sounds peaceful. Meditation, loving your neighbor, and helping others are fantastic practices that we should all abide by. But religion sounds like indoctrination. Religion makes spirituality sound rigid and restricted.

And this right here is the problem. When a religion teaches that you should love others and care for your neighbor, it doesn’t sound like “religious.” It sounds like human.

This isn’t to say that spiritual vs. religious is bad or wrong. What I’m trying to say is that the “just in case” prayer can happen to religious people too. While religion may explain some people’s reluctance to admit they pray, it doesn’t explain everyone. In fact, it doesn’t even explain most people.

The “Just in Case” Prayer Comes from Human Instinct

The majority of “just in case” prayers are said by people who don’t consider themselves spiritual or religious at all. So what gives? Why would atheists and nonreligious people pray if there wasn’t a God?

I believe it’s because we, as humans, are wired to believe that someone is out there.

Think about it: there is no such thing as a “perfect” life. At any moment, we can lose everything we have worked for. Our jobs can be taken away in an instant. We could fall ill and be unable to provide for our families. People we love can be tragically killed in car accidents that we blame ourselves for. No matter how successful, rich, or smart we are, life can always knock us down when we least expect it.

When we are healthy, happy, and safe, we feel like we are in control. But the second something threatens our status quo, we freak out. When our children get sick, we search the internet for every holy text that can help them. When natural disasters happen, we donate and do everything we can to help people in need. When death knocks on our door, we cry and pray harder than we ever have.

Essentially, we hate feeling helpless. So, when something comes along and makes us feel powerless, our brains instinctually reach out for answers. We search everywhere. Sure, some of us turn to Google. But others pray. Whether you believe in God or not, prayer is often the last result we have when we feel like we have no other options left.

Blaise Pascal: “God Exists” Essay

Many of you may not be aware of who Blaise Pascal is. He was a French Mathematician/Philosopher who lived from 1623-1662. Pascal came up with a philosophical idea that is still used to this day. He stated that it made sense to believe that God exists because if he does, you win the jackpot (heaven). If he doesn’t, you lose nothing.

The “just in case” prayer is humans playing Pascal’s Wager. When their safe little world is rocked by turbulence, praying can’t hurt. At worst, you’ve wasted a few seconds. At best, you just might see your child recover from a serious illness.

Thanks God, not Google.

We don’t just pray when we are scared, though.

Have you ever seen something so beautiful that it made you emotional? Maybe you watched a beautiful sunset. Or maybe you finally held your child for the first time. In these moments, we pray because we feel so overwhelmed with gratitude that we just have to say something.

In these moments, you aren’t afraid like you are when your child is sick. You feel awe-struck by how beautiful and perfect life can be. It makes you think that there must be something more than science and luck. There just must be.

I’m not religious but Thank God it’s beautiful.

When we pray out of gratitude or fear, we are admitting that we don’t have all the answers. It’s okay to not know how life works or what happens when we die. What isn’t okay is making other people feel ashamed for saying that they believe there is something more.

No One Should Have to Hide Their Spiritual Instincts Anymore

Spirituality, faith, and believing in a higher power are natural. Praying during your “just in case” moments is one of the most human things you can do. It shows vulnerability, love, and hope.

I want us to stop pretending that we aren’t spiritual beings. Religion has taught us to be ashamed of asking for help. It teaches us that we need to have all the answers to believe in faith. That if you believe you’re going to go to hell when you die.

Whether you believe in God, Buddha, or the Easter Bunny, we should all feel comfortable sharing our beliefs with each other. Sure, you can tell people you’re “not religious” but prayed for your kid because everyone feels that way sometimes.

But next time someone says that comment to you, or you find yourself saying it, take a second to think about why you feel the need to say it.

We are spiritual beings experiencing life inside a human body. Praying doesn’t make you less of a rational thinker, and it sure doesn’t make you crazy.

So, pray if you want to.

Just stop saying “just in case.”